It’s Tough to Be Perfect, Especially if You’re a Man

Wanted: The Perfect Man, dead or…make that very much alive!

Regardless of a woman’s age, there are patterns when it comes to her attitude towards the male gender. My proof? I’ve done a mini-survey and made the Perfect Man Handbook (PMH). Okay, so my test group consists of five women and my list isn’t exhaustive or academic, but here’s a sampling:

Number 1) Men should be in touch with their feminine side, to a degree. “I love a man who can cry, but only at certain things,” one friend said. In other words, men, cry when we say it’s appropriate. Otherwise, “Stop your blubbering, it’s just a movie!”

Number 2) If their eyebrows are unruly and their fingernails rough, we call them cave men; yet, if they’re over-groomed with manicured nails and arched brows, we brand them metrosexuals and roll our eyes.

Number 3) Guys should be fit and active, but their choice of exercise is what separates the men from the boys. Another friend said, “I’m all for self-improvement, but a man involved with reiki and yoga makes me squirm.”

Poor men, they try so hard, with or without the yoga leotard.

Number 4) Ahhhh, more on those wonderful bodies – we want them to be buff and toil a little over their pecs, but not if we become “gym widows.”

In a nutshell, we want a man who knows the importance of a reflective surface providing his muscle-flexing doesn’t cut into OUR mirror time.

Number 5) He shouldn’t smell sweet or sour. He should smell woodsy, like a pine forest. Caution: tone it down, fella, if your gal says you smell like a car’s dangly air freshener.

Otherwise, he should smell like fresh laundry.

Number 6) If a man drinks, he must be able to hold his liquor. And never should that choice of poison be a Brandy Alexander or Pink Lady (regardless of the yummy factor). No sir, make that beer, wine or single malt scotch.

Number 7) My favorite theme in the PMH – men must be a little bad, although not really bad. That is, they must carry themselves with the take-charge attitude of yesterday’s James Dean and today’s Colin Farrell, but they can’t be so bad that you’re bailing them out of jail.

A side note: older guys, it’s enough that you owned and survived your motorcycle at age twenty. You don’t have to keep proving you’re a biker at heart by wearing Harley-Davidson muscle shirts while riding the bus.

In conclusion, women, stay sane by embracing his foibles and flaws. He’s not likely noticing our one teensy fault — our tendency to be overly critical.

Different genders? Sometimes it feels like we’re different species.

And men? Please don’t blame the messenger.