In Your Face

Shannon Kernaghan In-Your-Face-400 In Your Face Humor

I watch videos from blogger Norma Geli who leads viewers through Las Vegas restaurants and bars. She’s fun to watch and her enthusiasm makes you wish you were there, nibbling on innovative food fusions and sipping cocktails that blossom with dry ice. 

Her most recent blog featured the best steak in Sin City. Her pick is Carversteak, located in Resorts World on the Strip. Here’s a line from Carversteak’s website: ‘A reimagining of the classic steakhouse experience offering dry-aged American steaks from artisan producers.’ 

Norma began with a martini order. Her glass arrived . . . and so did a cart and bartender who created the cocktail in front of her. 

Next, she chose a ‘C’s Tomohawk’ steak, a hefty 42 ounces of beef. She also ordered a side of Bearnaise sauce and a special ‘Pommes Puree,’ made with 50% Yukon Gold taters and 50% butter.  

I can’t speak for you, but if a server brings me a steak knife, I’m pleased. Period. At Carversteak, a new person shows up with an impressive wooden box, something out of a medieval dual.  

He opens the box and presents an array of knives while explaining the benefit and weight of each. Eventually Norma asks for his advice. So would I. The only knives I can identify are the bread knives and generic steak knives we’ve owned for decades. 

My eyebrow arched when the meat showed up – it was already sliced on the plate!  

First the bar cart, then the knife box, and had Norma ordered a bottle of wine, a sommelier would have appeared tableside.  

What was last, the dishwasher with a soap trolley to wash Norma’s dirty plates? This wasn’t a meal but a performance. 

I didn’t stick around for dessert. I had indigestion just thinking about that 50% butter potato puree. 

Norma never showed us the bill but mentioned that her martini cost $35 and her steak – without sides or sauces – was $260. Add tax and gratuities. Wow.  

I have my own ‘reimagining’ that features a world where I share a delicious meal with my partner Paul, without half a dozen people circling our table, and without a bill that could cover a car payment. 

Wait . . . I don’t have to reimagine, I only have to remember.  

When Paul and I rolled our little RV into rustic campsites near the Rockies, we’d bring our own steaks and libations. He’d build a fire, add foil-wrapped potatoes, and let the flames burn to hot embers. That’s when he’d cook our steaks to a perfect medium rare. I’d open a bottle of wine and pour into our plastic wine glasses.  

On every occasion those steaks were the most tender and delicious I’ve ever eaten. Do I recall the type of knife used? No.  

Better yet, did I force my wine-addled head to figure out the tip, and then find a ride back to our hotel? (Hey, if the rooms at Resorts World are as spendy as the steaks, we aren’t staying there).   

All we did was watch the sun set and after Paul extinguished our fire, we’d stumble into our trailer. The only one in my face during our meal was Paul. And sometimes squirrels or whiskey jacks who waited for treats. 

Paul might have asked for a ‘tip’ for his fire-building and cooking efforts, but with all that wine, who can remember?  

Cheers! 

Paint Me Naked

Shannon Kernaghan Paint-Me-Naked-400 Paint Me Naked Humor

Not every day does an artist ask to paint me naked. Even fewer of those lining up are well-known New York artists.

After exhibiting a few of my own pieces in NYC’s Van der Plas Gallery, I met the artist Alejandro Caiazza, best known for ‘a humorous subject matter . . . engaging the viewer in the silliness of the present with a warning of what is to come.’

That sounds cool, and there’s more: ‘Initially appearing whimsical and delightful with a child-like innocence, the work of Caiazza on closer inspection reveals much deeper and darker aspects of our human condition.’

Most recently, Alejandro painted a series of clowns; his wild pieces drew me in (no pun intended) and his ‘primitive art’ quality attracted me.

My own art on social media attracted him, enough that he slid into my DM. Our initial contact began with I would really like to paint you.

My reply: If I had a quarter for every time I heard that . . . wait, I’d still only have a couple of quarters.

I sent him three photos, one of me in a bikini from a few years ago, and two early shots from when I modeled for a lingerie store. I figured these would suffice, especially the one of me in a teddy with my foot on a chair.Shannon Kernaghan Shannon-on-chair Paint Me Naked Humor

Nope, not enough inspiration for Alejandro and the DM dance continued.

I would like to make you a nude, something like this and he posted one of my topless Self Portraits.

Shannon Kernaghan Blissed_Kernaghan-300x300 Paint Me Naked Humor

I hope I haven’t offended you, he added.

Not offended, but looking forward to seeing what you can do with my ‘lovely bones.’

I wasn’t about to send him anything explicit for the “spank bank.” And then nothing more was said about painting me, simply messages on art and writing, and an invitation to his current art exhibit.

I didn’t instigate conversations and merely replied to his prompts about the type of pictures he wanted: There will be no undressing, I wrote, only drawing. NOW GET BUSY!

By now – months later – I was certain there would be no SHANNON-AS-ART from Alejandro.

And then came his request:

You’re hot like your art . . . I wish to draw you naked

Feel free, I replied, strip down when you draw me, I don’t want you to over-heat 😉

This would be my final correspondence and I was about to go ‘radio silent.’

Then his message appeared: Deal and days later a few pictures followed.

I like the yellow piece that reminds me of Jackie Kennedy, who people said I resembled when I was young. As for Alejandro’s depiction of my breasts, that’s his interpretation; I do appreciate the perky quality.

Shannon Kernaghan Paint-Me-Naked-400-300x300 Paint Me Naked Humor

                                  Shannon by Alejandro Caiazza

Shannon Kernaghan Leg-on-chair_AC-232x300 Paint Me Naked Humor

                                   Shannon by Alejandro Caiazza

The next time someone invites you to ‘come up and see my etchings,’ I could be the woman in those masterpieces. Gotta love art.

                    Check out Alejandro Caiazza’s art on Instagram

Shannon Kernaghan Alejandro-by-Shannon-Kernaghan-300x300 Paint Me Naked Humor